Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
