he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
worst night to have a conscience
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
