Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize