your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
