there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Randomize
