is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize