I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
apparently the secret to your success is patron
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
