update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Randomize
