so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
