The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
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