No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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