I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
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