My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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