Walk of Shame. In a state park.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Randomize
