My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
