this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
