why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize