Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Randomize
