david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
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