I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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