so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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