if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
