My girlfriend figured out who you are.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
