listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
