All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Randomize
