Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Green mimosas i think yes
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
