We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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