He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
