Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
