areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
