FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
