I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I woke up under a house in Key West
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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