oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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