I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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