he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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