Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Are my feet made of real feet?
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
