with your own penis?
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
