I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
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