I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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