sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
