I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
