OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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