My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Randomize
