I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
