I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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