Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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