my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
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