i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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