Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize