I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
