Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
