it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
