Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
