I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Someone shattered a urinal.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
