you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
