Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
