An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
