i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
either way he was missing a nipple.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
