He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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