Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Randomize
