Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize