Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
you win again, gameday.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
