I think my fart just growled at me.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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