Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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