My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Everything about him screamed your future.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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