Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
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