I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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