The maid of honor just puked.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
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