I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
bring money and cleavage
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
