I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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