I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
