The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
