We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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