but the lizard people decide everything anyway
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
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