Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
