this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
