I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Couch. On fire.
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