Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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