I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
