Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
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