she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
