And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
