Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
