When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Randomize