from now on my penis is your penis
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
