That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Randomize
