im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
