His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
