My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I FOUND THE LEGS
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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