this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Randomize
